I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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