i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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