Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
its not stalking. its research.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
