I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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