Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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