dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
