The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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