Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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