god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
