Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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