I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
