Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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