One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
