The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
