The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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