I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
