I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
