I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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