I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
