I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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