Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
