Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
