So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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