His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
