Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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