everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
