gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
