I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
