Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
