why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
