I looked at my own cervix.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
