My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
PANTIES FOUND
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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