I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
