I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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