He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
