Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
