I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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