i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
