so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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