I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
