dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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