Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
