so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
They took my balls.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
