It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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