i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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