three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
