I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Drunk is a universal language darling
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
