it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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