Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
