talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
