you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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