Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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