I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
