do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
