Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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